


Broken But Not Shattered

by moondancer150



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Cuddles, Eventual Romance, Eventual Sex, F/M, First Kiss, First Time, Hurt/Comfort, My First Work in This Fandom, Nightmares, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicide Attempt, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-12
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2020-12-09 15:47:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20997320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moondancer150/pseuds/moondancer150
Summary: While the Diamonds are away discussing a peace agreement with a neighboring colony  Spinel finds herself in the mists of staying on Earth with the savior of the Galaxy Steven Universe and the Crystal gems. Feeling scared, anxious and oddly enough at home somewhat. Spinel begins to feel something warm arise from her gem every now and then and will learn that she is capible of loving again and it might possibly start right here right now.





	1. Heading to Earth soon

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry if this summary is total junk XP I hope you guys like the story anyway I'll think about changing it later. Also don't be afraid to drop me a comment and tell me what you guys think I love a good comment now and then.

Several months passed ever since the destruction of earth and a certain pink gem seemed anxious about...we'll lots of things.

Lots of things, 

For starters she almost killed the savior of the galaxy and attempting to kill his planet . Those terrible feelings of guilt almost seemed to rise back up in the corner of her mind and what her dimond did to her was nothing short but horrendously cruel. Spinel shuttered and began to try and blink away tears, there was this creeping feeling that the diamonds would get tired of her and she would be alone again, all by her lonesome. That thought alone seemed to cause the young pink gem to be afraid as more unhappy thoughts entered he mind. Would they leave her?. Alone? To rot for another six thousand years? Spinel swallowed a lump in her throat which tightened and hurt as the bubbling up in the corner of her eyes began to burn. She had overheard the diamonds saying that they were placing her on earth for a few months while they attend a peace agreement with another neighboring colony and attempt to negotiate a peace agreement, Spinel tried to not allow her dark thoughts to cloud her mind but that seemed easy said than done.

Why was she like this? Why couldn't she be normal or at least happy. She didn't understand it at all. She was happy. Wasn't she? So why did she feel like this on cold lonely nights, 

‘They want to get rid of you.’ Her mind hissed. 

‘They don't need you anymore.’ 

‘Of course they don't want you. The dimonds don't want a stupid useless gem like yourself anymore. ‘ 

Spinel sniffed and rubbed the incoming tears threatening to spill over. Why did her thoughts always have to do this she didn't want to cry right now. So why was she? 

“Spinel?” Came a soft and soothing voice of Blue Diamond. 

Spinel swallowed another lump not turning around to face the blue gem as she was afraid of showing weakness to them in fear that they would simply throw her away like the broken toy she was, Blue Diamond however could sense that the young pink gem was upset and began to speak to her softly to her to coax the young gem to tell her what was wrong. 

“Spinel. Darling,whatever is the matter?” Blue Diamond asked her voice soft and gentle. 

Spinel sniffled painfully. She was so close to crying right now. So close. It almost hurt. 

“Y-you...you all are th-thinking about.l.thr-throwing me away.” Spinel stammers tears threatening to spill. 

At first Blue Diamond didn't understand but then it clicked. Spinel thought them putting her on earth and then going to their peace agree,net was them abandoning her and leaving her alone on earth. Blue almost gasped softly but her gaze softened knowing that she didn't want to scare Spinel. She needed to be strong and needed to comfort her and ease the pink gem of her fear. 

“Spinel, dear no one is throwing you away. We would never do such a thing.” Blue Diamond replied to her watching as the pink gem roughly whipped her eyes. 

She looks at Blue Diamond and feels a little better. 

Well...kind of. In the back of her mind she thinks they are pitying her. She watches as Blue gives her a genuine pat on the head with her Blue fingers, careful to not hurt her and carefully scooped her up. Spinel greatly appreciated the affection and watched as Yellow and White Diamond appeared and upon seeing their beloved Spinel upset White was the first one to speak. 

“Starlight.” She cooed softly. “Whatever has you so upset?” She asked. 

“Spinel believes we are going to abandon her.” Blue replied whipping a spare tear from her blue eye. 

“That's just ridiculous why would she think we would throw something as special as her away? ” Yellow popped up. 

White, Yellow and Blue all glanced down at the small pink gem who looked away flushing a light hue in embarrassment. She couldn't believe she had a mini panic attack like that . Panicking and now she had gotten all of their attention it was nice but something about this particular attention felt embarrassing and the pink gem looked down ashamed of herself.

“Darling.” White began. 

“We would never toss someone as precious like you away. You meant too much to us and we would be devastated if anything were to happen to you. ” White Diamond says putting a dramatic arm over her head for much needed emphasis. 

Spinel looked at them and shivered part of her wanted to believe them but there seemed to be something inside her that wouldn't allow her to. Her hateful black thoughts said otherwise. Spinel looked away biting her lip. There was no changing their minds, they were going to leave her on Earth while they attended to their meeting. She was both scared and anxious, she couldn't believe that she was going back to earth. It made the whole ordeal seem ...well...terrifying. The pink gem feared for what was to come she had done lots of damage to the Earth and hoped that everything was alright. Spinel watched with nervous tearful eyes as all three pearls Yellow, Blue and Pink all began packing things that were hers into a thing called a suitcase. She asked them if they needed help but they all assured her that they could handle it and there wasn't much she could do. Why did she have to bring a suitcase along caused many confusing thoughts to run into the pink gems head. White had told her in case her gem storage was full she could use this instead...and secretly White liked how adorable it looked with Spinel. Spinel swallowed another lump as she heard the Diamonds talking to someone and peeked out of her room to see….

To see ...Steven?! 

Spinel listened making sure that neither of the diamonds saw her and listened closely as White Diamond was the first to speak out. P

“Steven, it's such a delight to see you again.” She chimed. 

Spinel stared at the communicator as the diamonds spoke. 

“Steven you remember Spinel.” Blue replied. 

Spinel hid behind the wall of her room and listened. Surely Steven rek,entered her. She almost destroyed his planet and almost killed him…possibly .twice. Than again who would want to remember someone like Spinel a crazed and violent gem who reset the entire Crystal gems. Then she heard that sweet, kind and patient voice of the savior of the Galaxy. 

“Spinel. Yeah of course i remember her. How is she?” He asked. 

Spinel stayed quiet as she replayed what Steven said in her head. He...he actually remembered her and he wanted to know how she was doing? Spinel didn't seem to understand but there came this gentle warmth inside her gem, however it faded as quickly as it came. She listened again. 

“Why don't you ask her yourself.” Yellow replied. 

“I'll go get her.” Blue gestured. 

Uh oh. Wait?! Right now! Steven wanted to see her?! Spinel took a glance at the mirrored vanity and shook. She...she looked a mess. The sudden feeling of insecurity started seeping in she felt her face bloom a light red as she looked away she needed to fix herself a little before-; 

But it was too late. 

“Spinel Steven would like to have a word with you.” The blue gem said looking at the pink gem. 

Spinel didn't move for a bit she seemed pretty nervous, anxious and insecure about how she looked at the moment. Steven wanted to see her now?! She could hear the young gem hybrid speaking again. 

“She's always welcome back to Earth.” Steven says with a sweet smile. 

Spinel stopped and froze. Did she hear that correctly? Did Steven say she was always welcome back to Earth? No. That was…impossible. He...he was joking right? 

“Spinel? Is something wrong?” Came the voice of Blue Diamond snapping the pink gem out of her thoughts. 

“Do you want to speak with Steven?” She asks. 

“N-no not yet!” Spinel cried face flushing a light red. She didn't understand why she was feeling so insecure about how she looked than again she always did fear what people thought about her and her “new form.” 

“I-I gotta fix my hair!” She cried flushing a light red hue and closing the door causing Blue Diamond to chuckle 

“Alright I'll let him know your coming.” Blue tells her leaving the small gem in her room with the pearls. 

“Steven we hope you don't mind us leaving Spinel on Earth with you.” White tells the young human who smiled at her. 

“That's no problem I'm always happy to have her come and stay.” Steven replies. 

“Thank you Steven we have to go to this meeting and discuss our peace agreement.” Blue says, 

“We tried to reason with them but they insisted that only the diamonds attend. They were quite stubborn.” White said. 

“Which is why we entrust Spinel in your care.” Yellow pipes in. 

“We can't leave Spinel here alone...again.” Blue Diamond says whipping a tear from her eye. 

Steven could sense something was wrong by the sound of her voice. 

“Did...something happen?” Steven asked. 

The Diamonds looked away,alright something was definitely wrong. 

“We left Spinel alone for three days and when we got back-;.” White Diamond paused Blue giving off a couple of sniffs and a few tears ran down her cheeks. 

Yellow seemed to be saddened as she began explaining the situation. Turns out while they were away Spineo had a panic attack and when they found her in her pink room...she looked like she had been in a vicious fight. She had so many cuts and bruises and her room looked trashed. The Diamonds remember how scared she looked, how they tried to talk to her. It was devastating. So when all three diamonds heard the poor gem mumbling terrible things to herself how they were going to up and leave her ;how she was a worthless gem who didn't deserve any love or attention and how stupid she was. A stupid defective good for nothing gem who would be thrown away once the diamonds got bored of her. 

Steven looked at the three of them concerned. 

“Which is why we would like to leave her on Earth with you until we get everything settled and sorted out.” White Diamond says. 

Steven nodded understanding the situation and such. 

“Speaking of Spinel where is she?” He asked. 

Blue piped up chuckling a little. 

“Oh I almost forgot.” The blue gem said. 

“She was fixing up her hair. She’ll be out in a moment.” Blue tells him calmly. 

Spinel fussed over her hair for a few good minutes u till it was to her liking. It was less messy than what it was before but it was much more presentable. Spinel felt her face flush a little red as she didn't understand, why was she doing her hair all pretty for Steven? Sides it still kinda looked messy but it was still slot lay presentable. Spinel sighed as she got out and seemed nervous about talking to Steven. Why does he want to talk to her? She tried to destroy Earth and try to kill him?! Why does he want to talk to a pathetic excuse of a gem like her. Spinel took a deep breath as she began walking towards the diamonds a nervous feeKing sitting in her non existent stomach spinel jumped when she heard Steven speak to her. 

“Hey Spinel it's good to see you how's it been?” Asked the teenage boy smiling kindly at the pink gem. 

Spinel remained quiet as she shifted nervously smiling weekly. 

“I-I'm alright.” She stutters. 

Dang it why did she have to stutter like that! She sounded so pathetic. Spinel looked away shyly cursing herself for stuttering like that. She looked away running her arm and listening carefully. She would be going to Earth in a matter of minutes once the pearls were done packing for her. Funny you would think that a gem like Spinel wouldn't need to do something like packing up belongings that were hers but White Diamond took a liking to human fashion and one thing lead to another and she managed to buy some clothes and they sure weren't for her. Nope. They were for her darling Spinel and they fit perfectly and White couldn't help but gush at how adorable she was in some of the clothes and that's how Spinel began a doll for White Diamond and had lots of clothes. Spinel didn't mind it though. Truth be told she secretly liked it. Plus she enjoyed seeing all three Diamonds happy and if it meant putting on some cute human dress then she would happily do it to see them all gush over her. Yet there was this lingering feeling of going to Earth Spinel worried a little about what might happen and how she would be treated. She was sure that Steven did not want to see her so why was he so welcoming and sweet? 

Spinel could never understand Steven sometimes. He was too kind for his own good most days..


	2. Anxiety and tension

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone oh gosh wow I'm so happy that some of you are enjoying my story it makes me really happy that you all like it. I was t expecting my first Steven Universe fic to get likes. Thank you so much and don't be afraid to comment I always love to see what you guys think.

“Alright, well Spinel will see you shortly.” Yellow said calmly 

Spinel felt her chest fill with dread. 

“We’ve backed her things.” Blue Pearl said softly. 

“She's all ready to go.” Yellow Pearl chirped saluting her diamond. 

Spinel swallowed hard she could cry right here right now but the small pink gem held in her emotions for the time being. 

“D-do you really have t-to go.” Spinel whimpered softly. 

Blue Diamond looked at the pink gem with loving calm blue eyes. 

“Sadly we do, but don't worry, time will fly by before you know it.” Blue said trying to reassure her as she scooped her up and gently kissed the top of her forehead gently. 

The sweet display of affection seemed to have done the trick and ease Spinel. 

“Yellow don't forget.” White tells the yellow gem who glances at her. 

“Oh yes of course.” Yellow says taking a word of what looked like...green leaves and placing them into a small compartment. Spinel stared and seemed very confused about what she was doing but didn't question it too much. 

“Human's have a different style of currency so we’ll be packing you with some just in case anything were to happen.” Yellow states calmly. 

Spinel nodded taking the compartment bag thing that held the green paper inside. It was slightly heavy but Spinel knew she could manage. 

“Well I think that's sweet led.” White Diamond says gently nuzzling into Spinel lovingly before handing her back over to Blue. 

“Farewell Spinel . We do hope that you have a wonderful time on earth.” Blue Diamond says sweetly. 

Spinel forced a smile as she kindly nuzzled into Blue Diamond who gladly appreciated the affection as the pink gem could only brace herself for what was soon to come. She was scared but there was no turning back now. Spinel thanked the Pewrls who had graciously packed her bag and they smiled telling her that it was their pleasure and not to worry too much about it. Spinel smiled stepping onto the warp pad and waved goodbye to her lovingly family as she disappeared into the bright blue light. As she arrived on earth what she wasn't expecting it to be around night time. It seemed so much lighter when Stveen spoke to the diamonds. Then again time worked much differently in homeworld than on earth. Steven must be in his beach house it would make sense since she didn't see him out here and the small pink gem began walking towards the home where Steven Universe the savior of the Galaxy resided. Then Spinel stopped. What if Steven didn't want to see her? What if he hated her and there her away ...or- 

“Spinel, it's good to see you. Why don't you come in it'll get cold soon.” An all too familiar voice spoke to the small gem. 

Spinel looked up at Steven and looked away nodding grabbing her suitcase and headed up the stairs towards the house and watched as Steven walked over to her. 

“ here let me help you.” He gestured to her bag. 

Spinel looked at him and shook her head trying not to flush a light red. She didn't think he would offer to help her. It was sweet and a nice gesture to offer and Spinel felt that warm sweet feeling in her gem as it glowed a little but not too much to be considered noticeable. Then it left as quickly as it came. Leaving the pink gem to feel something else. Anxiety. Would she be a huge burden to him to see him taking her bag when she should be doing it herself? Spinel swallowed harshly. 

“N-no that's fine I got it.” She said carrying the suitcase up the stairs. 

She didn't want to pester him all too much so when she finally arrived on the porch she stopped and seemed hesitant to go inside. The other gems, what would they think when they saw her? Spinel bit her lip as she yet again seemed conflicted with her emotions. No Sponel could go in there right? But what if they try and attack her to attempt to leave her all alone or throw her out or- ; 

“Spinel?” 

The small pink gem looked up to stare at Steven’s kind face. 

“Are you coming? He asked her kindly to which Spinel nodded. 

“”I promise they won't hurt you.” Steven told her. 

Spinel looked at him and seemed surprised. How? How did he? Spinel thought. 

“I could tell by the look on your face.” Steven said to her. 

Spinel looked away and flushed a light rose red. Either Steven could easily read Spinel like a book or he might be a psychic. Spinel shook her head as she followed him into the house and tried pushing back those anxious thoughts She could do this, she could be brave and face the crystal gems. She had to. When Spinel first entered the house the first gem she saw was Pearl. The same Pearl Pink Diamond took with her to earth while she left Spinel to rot for six thousand years. There came this pained pang within her heart shaped gem. She looked away from Pearl who took notice but didn't say anything. Pink eyes slowly drifted towards Garnet, Spinel could remember fragments of being happy with the fusion but knew or so assumed that Garnet knee little to nothing about those happy days that they spent together. That seemed to make Spinel sad, the fact that she had all these wonderful memories yet the one person who she shared them with knew nothing of them. Garnet slowly began staring at Soinel’s direction taking notice that the small pink gem was looking at her causing Spinel to look away and stare at the last remaining gem. Amethyst the purple gem who glanced up at Spinel causing the shy gem to look away out of fear. 

“Spinel’s gonna be staying here while the diamonds take care of a few things.” Steven said calmly. 

Garnet nods. 

“I see.” Pearl murmured quietly. 

“What about the time she tried to kill you.” Amethyst pointed out. 

Spinel flinched. 

“It’ll be fine I'm sure she’s changed and if anything happens just send her to me. I'll handle her.” Steven said. 

The crystal gems nodded now knowing the situation at hand Spinel however could sense a little if not a lot of tension. She didn't know if she could handle it. 

“Let me show you where you'll be staying.” Steven said smiling. 

Spinel nodded following the half human half gem hybrid up the stairs to his room. 

“You can stay here until we fix up a room for you.” Steven said smiling rubbing the back of his head sheepishly. 

“O-okay.” Spinel replied softly looking around the teens room curiously. 

Steven’s room was pretty cozy and looked really relaxing, it gave off a calm vibe that seemed really nice and eased Spinel a little while Seven titled up a little. Spinel decided to break the silence. 

“You have a nice room.” She said quietly a small smile forming on her lips. 

“Thanks.” Steven chimed. “But sorry about the mess.” He chuckled. 

Spinel couldn't help but giggle feeKing some of the tension leave her. It was a relieving feeKing. 

“Thank you for letting me stay in your room.” Spinel said. 

“It's no problem.” Steven replied smiling at the pink gem. 

Spinel smiled at the patient gem hybrid, sadly Spineo began getting lost I. Her own thoughts . She was confused yet amazed by how patient and kind Steven truly was and after trying to kill him and destiny earth did was still forgiven and shown kindness by this young teen. She was so confused yet astonished by the boy’s compassion . Spinel looked down guilt eating away at her, she should've been shattered . She should've been killed and dealt with, now she was here being a burden to him and the crystal gems. Perhaps it would have been better to be rejuvenated once the injector was taken care of. Maybe then she could go on living ignorantly yet blissfully. 

‘Why bother you should've shattered yourself before. But you couldn't do that right.’ Her mind taunted.

Spinel bit her lip trying to blink her tears away. She couldn't cry now. Not here. Not in front of Steven. Spinel snapped out of her trance when she heard something call out to her. 

“H-huh?” She asked. 

“I asked if you wanna come down for dinner Pearl is doesn't eat but she is cooking dinner tonight, your more than welcome to join us.” Steven said her with a kind smile. 

As much as Slineo wanted too she feared the unnerving tension, she just couldn't deal with it right now. Not eith her emotions like this. Spinel needed to think quickly and fast she just needed to get those dark thoughts out of her system before anything else. 

“I...I’ll come down in a but...I just need ...to.” Spinel paused and glanced at her suitcase. 

“Check on what some of the things the three pearls packed for me.” Spinel says. 

Steven looked at her smiled and nodded. Spinel could feel her cheeks lightly bloom a light red hue as she stared at that sweet kind smile that seemed to make her feel ...safe and gave off a warm feeling inside her gem that she began to like. The small pink gem watched on as Steven walked downstairs leaving her all alone. Spinel sighed looking at her suitcase and decided to open it up. Sides she needed to know what all three pearls packed in that suitcase, it was a little heavy too, sp Spinel should take a look inisde.


	3. Sweet notes and bitter tears

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter will be both very cute and very Angsty as it deals with string topics liked suicide and medication so if you feel a little triggered by this please don't read. For those who are staying and want to read don't forget to leave a comment down below it always makes me happy to read your comments :3 also sorry if this is a much shorter chapter.

As the small pink gem opened her suitcase she was greeted by clothes, lots of clothes. White Diamond really enjoyed seeing her in earth clothing but Spinel didn't mind it though. She also saw her hair brush and a small note from Yellow Diamond. 

‘I made sure they packed your hair brush for you. You have pretty hair Spinel. I just hope you can brush it whenever you have time.’ -Yellow Diamond~ 

Spinel could feel her face flush a light rose pink as she blushed at the compliment. She never thought that Yellow would say such a thing about her but the compliment seemed to make the young gem happy as she continued to dig through her luggage finding more clothes and ladies underwear and bras which were nice while wearing earth clothes and as Spinel kept digging through her suitcase she blushed again as the small pink gem pulled out a pink stuffed teddy bear. It was so, so soft and smelled sweet. The stuffed bear had cute pink eyes and nose a white nuzzle and adorned a pastel blue bow. Spinel could feel her face burn a light red; she didn't think the three pearls would pack this? Oh but that wasn't the end of it, as the pink gem glanced down at her suitcase her pink eyes stared at a soft baby pink blanket. It was soft, so soft, warm and cozy. Spinel however wondered why she would need something like this. There was a nite on the blanket which was written by Blue Diamond. 

‘Steven has told us that he could teach you a thing on earth called “sleeping.” It's beneficial and allows you to feel more energized and refreshed. It may even do you some good. Those bags under your eyes is starting to worry us.’ 

Spinel looked down at the note feeling guilty. 

‘Your such a burden.’ Her mind hissed. 

Spinel sniffed looking away and roughly whipping her eyes as she continued reading the note. 

‘So I found out that humans use soft objects cand calming books to help aid them in sleep. Hopefully these should help aid you into sleep and maybe you might start “dreaming.” as they say.. Steven says you dream while you sleep and that its quite pleasant.  
May all your dreams be sweet and pleasant my beloved Spinel.’ -Blue Diamond~

Spinel stared down at the message and smiled she was so close to tears by the thoughtfulness of the diamonds who came to love her. Spinel hummed nuzzling into the blanket which was so soft. Maybe she could do this, there came comfort from reading Blue’s nite a small sense of comfort that seemed to ease the pink gem a little. As Spinel continued digging through her luggage she saw ...she saw..

Her medication. 

Spinel stopped and stared down at her antidepressants and anxiety medication. It had become so quiet in the room you could hear a pin drop. Spinel swallowed a lump in her throat as it tightened and it felt hard to breath for a moment. It was as if the oxygen was being forced out of her lungs. It hurt….it hurt a lot. Spinel looked down her eyes were bubbling with tears that threatened to spill, she didn't even understand how she managed to read the note as her eyes were getting gradually blurry from her unshed tears. 

‘Dear Spinel, this shouldn't come as a surprise . I want to make sure you take your medication. Last time ...something happened and Blue, Yellow and I were terribly worried and...I am worried we don't want what happened to happen again. Anyway Starlight do remember to call us when your feeling sad. Have a wonderful time on earth Sponel. -White Diamond~ 

Spinel bit her lip trying to suppress her tears back. She felt so terrible right now. 

‘Your such a disgrace for a gem.’ Her mind taunted. Spinel looked away from her medication it was just another harsh reminder of her mentally unhinged mind and her failed shattering attempt. Spinel choked back a hiccup, she had indeed attamept to shatter herself by pulling in her gem. 

Pulling, pulling, pulling. She welcomed the pain. The harsh aching stinging feeKing that was being registered throughout her whole being. She couldn't help it. She just needed the numbness to stop. This was possibly her way of dealing with the numbness she was feeling. Was it right? Absolutely not, in no way shape or form. Spinel thought in that spare moment that she felt so numb that she thought it was the best thing to do. So when Blue found her in her room almond lifeless with her gem out of its place had caused all three diamonds to panic. Blue had wept so much it was beginning to concern Yellow. White managed to heal Spinel and place her gem back into its place again. It ended in Whute looking for medication to help Spinel and Yellow keeping a much kneeler eye on the pink gem. Spinel stood up hiding her medication 

She didn't want any of the crystal gems finding out about what she had or what she had done. That would make things so much worse so the small and very much afraid Spinel decided to keep it to herself. Spinel gasped hearing Steven call out for her. 

“I'm coming.” She called back getting up and heeding downstairs to join everyone. 

Everyone seemed to be here the crystal gems Steven and Steven’s dad UmGreg. Steven smiled patting a spot between him and Amethyst. At first the small pink gem seemed hesitant but eventually she reluctantly sat beside them. 

“We’re having potato bacon soup tonight.” Steven said to her with a calm smile. 

“Soup?” Spinel asked confused yet curious. 

Amethyst grins. 

“It's really good earth food.” She chimes. 

Spinel looks at the purple gem and listens. 

“It's a really good food I think you'll like.” Steven tells her. 

“We normally eat it around cold times but Peerl thought it would be nice recipe to try out.” Steven said. 

Spinel nods and remains white listening somewhat to the purple gem and the hybrid diamond talked. However that was when Steven took noticed that Spinel was really quiet. 

“Hey Slinel everything okay?” He asked. 

Spinel had looked at Steven when called her name she had probably been lost in her own thoughts before hearing him. 

“H-huh?” 

“Everything okay? You seem to be real quiet.” Steven says. 

“I am? Sorry. I guess I was just thinking.” She told him. 

‘Don't let the, see how much your falling apart. They'll never want to hang out with a broken gem like yourself.’ Spinel’s mind hissed. 

Spinel forced a smile as Steven stared at her. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” He asked. 

‘No! If you tell him he’ll never want to talk to you ever again.’ Her mind screamed. 

Spinel looked at him and shook her head. 

“N-no I’m fine.” Spinel lied. 

Steven looked at Spinel and could tell something was wrong, she was keeping something from him but didn't want to push any further thinking that it might upset her. Spinel shifted in her seat as dinner was being served. This seemed to almost ease Spinel a little since everyone would be eating which was a good thing since the small pink gem didn't want to talk all that much but she did listen carefully on what everyone was talking about.


	4. Medication and Games

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for all the kudos and comments it makes me so happy to read your comments and see that you guys like my story I really appreciate it. Please have some cute yet silly moment between Steven and Spinel.

Greg and Pearl were discussing about playing a few songs at a rock concert coming up which required Pearl to play the bass. Amethyst was simply choking down her soup happily enjoying earth's food. Spinel looked down at her own bowl and stared silently at it. It looked pretty good but eating was something she hadn't done before. She secretly wondered where it would go, but there was no time to dwell on that as the small pink gem took a few small sips of it. She honestly didn't feel like eating her stomach was already twisting into tight knots. Spinel didn't dare look up a Garnet fully knowing that Garnet was capable of lots of things. Spinel could her someone calling to her and she looked at whoever it was. 

“You hardly touched your food.” Steven tells her concerned. 

Spinel blinks and looks away. She didn't mean to make him so concerned for her. 

“I mean I know gems don't need to need.” He said sheepishly rubbing his neck and chuckling. 

“But is it because you don't like it.” He asks. 

Spinel stared at the diamond hybrid and looked away before shaking her head. 

“N-no sorry I was just...thinking...again.” She adds.

“You've been doing a lot of that for awhile.” Greg replies honing in the conversation. 

“Whatcha thinkin about?” He asks a little curious. 

Spinel remains silent and looks away from both of them. 

‘Oh nothing just contemplating weather I matter since I was abandoned and left to rot for six thousand years wondering why Pink Diamond left me.’ Her mind scolded her. 

Was she not good enough? Was she misbehaving and Pink Diamond decided leaving her would teach her a lesson Was she annoying? Was she such a burden that Pink Diamond just left her like that? Spinel was yet again lost in deep thought. She should really quit doing that. 

Spinel did her best to try and blink her tears away, why was she like this? Why couldn't she be normal, toughen up and suck it up. No. She was just so sensitive that she made herself cry. 

‘Your such a crybaby.’

‘Emotional broken Spinel, how sad.’ 

‘Suck it up buttercup. Your not gonna cry in front of Steven are you?’ Her mind mocked her taunted her made her feel worse than she already was. 

Spinel looked down at her soup and was happy no one noticed her.

Well...so she thought. 

A fusion gem had kept her eyes on the small pink gem and could see, no...feel her sorrow. However Garnet did not speak up. She would talk to Spinel in a much more private manner.The small pink gem carefully got out of her seat and watched everyone go into the living room. Everyone looked so happy and peaceful. They were a big happy family. 

A family she wasn't apart of. 

Spinel looked away from them. She had to keep I together she wasn't apart of their family because ...because. 

‘Because you almost killed the earth end destroyed Steven’s home, why would they ever want a gem like you apart of their happily ever after.’ Her mind hissed

Spinel swallows a lump in her throat and rubs her arms. 

“Hey Spinel you wanna watch a movie. Steven’s making some popcorn right now.” Amethyst tells the pink gem. 

For a moment Spinel wonders if the purple gem was talking to her. When she realizes that Amethyst is talking to her Spinel rubs her arm nervously, she couldn't tell if Amethyst actually genuinely wanted her to watch the movie with them or if she pitied her...maybe...maybe Steven pitied her too. That left a harsh feeling wave of pain in her gem that caused the poor gem to flinch. Spinel glances at Amethyst and nods. 

“S-sure...but I gotta do something real quick.” Spinel said trying not to make her voice crack. 

Spinel hurried away up the stairs and towards Steven’s room, Spinel once alone tried taking some breaths . She couldn't understand why she was feeling so...sad and anxious all of the sudden. Everything was fine...wasn't it? 

Pink eyes slowly traced over her suitcase. 

Her medication.

Spinel walked over to her suitcase and looked around to see if anyone was there before grabbing her anxiety medication and popped the lid before taking a single pill out and popped it into her mouth. Spinel swallowed closing the lid and hiding it away making sure it wasn't showing. Spinel was ashamed that she was taking gem medication, so much so that she prayed no one would ever find out hat she was doing. 

Once downstairs Steven glanced at the pink gem giving her a warm and welcoming smile which sent a pleasant warm and fluttery feeling in her chest. 

It was nice. 

“You came to join us after all.” He chimed. 

Spinel smiled and nodded. 

“Of course. So what are you guys watching?” She asked curious. 

“It's a movie called'' Spirited Away.” Steven tells her. 

“ Spirited Away?” She asks confused. 

Steven smiles and nodes. 

“It's a really good movie.” Steven said. 

Spinel smiles and giggles sitting besides Steven. 

“A,right sounds like fun.” She chirped. 

The movie was pretty interesting to say the least Spineo didn't think she would enjoy a “movie.” From earth but how the dragon was actually one of the main characters and was actually a water spirit who had saved the main character from drowning and the end song had a nice tune to it. Spinel liked it overall. It was very nice. 

“Well, now that's over what do you wanna do now?” Amethyst asked. 

Steven hummed thinking for a moment. 

“How about we play a game.” He suggests. 

Spinel feels herself lighting up with a bit of excitement from hearing that they were going to play a game and the thoughts of what type of games flooded the pink gem’s mind as she was curious to find out what they were playing. Amethyst grins getting up from her spot. 

“I got a good one.” Amethyst cheers dashing to her room and coming out with someone Spuneo hadn't recognized. 

“Check it out.” Amethyst called 

Spinel stared at the box with human letters that she was unable to read. Human language she could speak but reading...that was a whole other ballgame. 

“We just got it today thought maybe you wanna try it out.” Amethyst said. 

Spinel stared at Amethyst and a sweet genuine smile stretched across her face. That was real sweet of Amethyst wanted her to play with them. 

“That sounds like fun how do we play?” She chimes. 

After explaining the rules Spinel seemed to to understand how it worked. When the black spinner lands on a certain color with that said limb which either was your hands or feet. Simple enough. Spinel could do that. She could play this game and to sound fair it seemed like fun to Spinel the more she thought about it. So as a plastic sheet was placed on the floor Amethyst volunteered to spin the dial and allow Steven and Spinel to play. 

“A,right right foot red.” Amethyst said. Spinel did directly what was told and throughout the game, things seemed pretty fun that's when Spinel noticed that the game was getting progressively harder in due time. Spinel however was determined to try and beat and win this game. Yet what she wasn't expecting was getting so close to Steven. Physically speaking. The small pink gem could feel her face fume a lovely shade of rose red, why was she getting like this? It was just a game?! So why was her face so hot right now. 

“Left leg on Blue.” Amethyst cheered. 

Spinel looked over and slowly began inching towards if only to gently brush up against something causing the gem to squeak. Did she...just brush against Steven’s leg? 

“S-sorry.” She cried out feeling her face blush red. 

“That's alright.” He tells Spinel with a calm smile. 

Spinel decided to keep going, she knew it was only a matter of time before she would have to throw in the towel. However she wouldn't give up that easily . Spinel didn't want to touch Steven again and the thought alone seemed to cause her face reddened. Spinel tried to focus on the game but noticed that Steven was struggling , honestly Spinel didn't blame him she was beginning to struggle too and didn't want to touch Steven. Spinel didn't want to invade his personal spade or make hm think she was weird. 

No, no she would be deviated if Steven would-; 

Spinel’s breath hitched she was getting so close to falling. The pink gem glanced back at the diamond hybrid who had been struggling with her. It was only a matter of time before one of them loses. 

Steven struggled and watched as Spinel easily maneuvered and reach each of the colors that was called. Then again she had elasticity so this should be a piece of cake for her, but even Steven could see that she was beginning to struggle and after brushing up against him by accident the pink gem seemed to be a bit wary and cautious to not do something like that again. Even though Steven said it was alright he could tell that she still seemed a little embarrassed about it. Maybe he could talk to her about it later. 

After another spin from the chuckling Amethyst Steven found himself...above Spinel. The pink gem was just as shocked as he was. However she remained quiet. 

“H-how did this ha-happen?” Spinel squeaked softly feeling her face burn a light red. 

Spinel hadn't even thought Steven heard her but as the curly haired boy replied back the young gem found herself about to die from embarrassment. 

“I’m not sure...I guess the game-.;” Steven pauses as he yelped almost falling with earned a gasp from Spinel. 

Spinel didn't know wheather she wanted to die from embarrassment or poof herself and wallow inside her gem. She could practically feel his warm breath on her neck causing her to shiver slightly as her face was burning a bright red. 

She didn’t think Steven heard her so when he answered back her face only fumed a deeper shade of red. 

“I’m not sure but-“ Steven paused and yelped almost toppling over on the small pink gem causing Spinel to gasp.


	5. Memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it’s been awhile since I posted a chapter of all of this I was a little conflicted on what I wanted the plot to go but I hope you all like this chapter. Thanks for all the kudos and comments it really means a lot to me seeing what all of you think about my story.

Spinel could practically feel his warm not breath against her soft pink skin causing her to shiver lightly. Her face must’ve been burning a bright red. 

“Okay, right keg yellow.” Amethyst said. 

Spinel managed to luck out and sighed, she had made it to the correct color yet something told her the worst was yet to come. She thought she could prepare for it, thought that she could handle whatever was thrown her way. She was sorrowfully wrong. She would never be prepared for something like this. Steven struggled to hold himself up and was so close to reaching the color he needed but unfortunately his luck ran out and it resulted in him crashing onto something soft below him. It was soft and faintly smelled like strawberries and flowers. Steven could feel his face glow red once he realized who it was. He couldn’t look at her. Not now. He was sure he would’ve died instantly from embarrassment. 

Spinel wants to die. 

Everything happened so fast, once she had gotten to the right color she yelped feeling something fall on top of her. They were kinda heavy and there came this husky manly cologne that smells so pleasant. Then Spinel had realized who it was and wanted to die instantly. The young diamond hybrid had fallen on her in his attempt to try and reach the same color as she. Spinel’s face could've been mistaken for a tomato of how red it must’ve looked. Steven was so close to her now and or course she had been close well,physically meaning when he….saved her from her own explosion from the injector. Spinel shuttered not wanting to think about those times. Spinel looked away flustered as she opened her mouth sputtering our nonsense. 

“I-I...umm you’re.” She stopped and looked away again. 

Muffled laughs and snorts were heard from Amethyst as she stared at the two. Now it was Steven’s turn to get all flustered as his face flushed a pretty pink. 

“S-Sorry about that.” He replied sheepishly offering his hand to help her up.

“Th-that’s okay.” Spinel stuttered takings is hand and carefully sitting up.

“Well I think that’s enough games for tonight. Steven, you should get some rest, it's getting late.” Peel informed him. 

Steven sighed. 

“Alright.” The teen replied getting up and headed up the steps to his room. 

Spinel watched from afar watching as the young diamond hybrid headed up the stairs to his room his flushed face going down a little.

“You too Spinel.” Pearl said calmly. 

Spinel jumped at being called but nodded getting up and following Steven as she remembered what was to come next. Steven was going to teach her how to sleep. Spinel rubbed her arm nervously, she was both scared yet curious to see how sleeping worked. Once she had finally got to his room she saw that the young teenager had set up a bed next to his for the pink gem. Spinel swallowed hard, she could feel a pang of guilt wash over her, he didn’t have to do something like this for her. Especially after what she had done to his home. 

“Y-you don’t have to do that for m-me y,know.” Spinel said rubbing her arm. 

Steven turned to her and smiled brightly. 

“Sure I do, can’t let you sleep on the floor. It gets cold at night and sides I want you to experience the best of sleep.” He answered happily. 

Spinel stared at the diamond hybrid and smiled genuinely at him. 

“Thank you.” Spinel replied.

The diamond hybrid stared back and smiled at the pink pigtailed gem.. 

“No problem.” 

Spinel chuckled heading over to her suitcase and gather her pajamas for the night while also making sure to hide her medication from Steven in the process and stood up. Of course as a gem she didn’t need such clothes or material things but the feeling of cloth against her form felt very nice and soft and she’d figure it might help aid in her sleep. 

“Well I’m gonna go change, be right back.” Spinel said heading out of the room and downstairs into the bathroom and closed the door behind her. 

Once inside the small pink gem sighed running a hand through her pink hair as she began getting changed the nightgown fabric felt so soft and silky and Spinel liked how it wrapped her body in warmth and comfort. It felt so nice. She hummed softly as she was getting changed in the earth night wear and the way it looked on her Also was an added bonus. The pale blossom pink went perfectly with her pink completion. It fell almost her her ankles but stopped midway due to the ruffled end of it and the small pink gem headed out of the bathroom and upstairs feeling nervous about the whole sleeping thing. Spinel just hoped that she didn’t mess up or anything, she just wanted things to go perfect for her for once. 

When Spinel made it back to Steven’s room again she witnessed that the diamond hybrid had also changed while she was in the bathroom. When she caught sight of him staring at her face flushing a light pink she looked away her own face blooming a gentle red as she seemed embarrassed. She knew looking like hpthis must’ve looked weird. Maybe changing into theee earth nightwear was a bad idea. That was until she had heard him speak to her. 

“Oh your already changed….you….you look nice.” He chuckled face flushing a deeper pink as he tried to fill the awkward tension between the two. 

Spinel could feel her face fumed a red and she looked away tugging on one of her pigtails. 

“O-oh thanks.” She stuttered and looked up again at the young boy. 

“I’ll be right back. I gotta brush my teeth.” Steven said and Spinel swallowed hard. 

She knew that he would be back but part of her didn’t want him to leave, part of her wanted him to stay a little longer but Spinel fought the fear of having a panic attack right here in front of him. No! She wanted to be strong and she could do it. It wouldn’t be that long she told herself. Spinel watched tearfully as the savior of the galaxy slowly headed out of his room and downstairs to do what he said he was going to do leaving the young pink gem all alone. Spinel sucked in a breath, her body shaking as her eyes began welling up with tears. She..just needed something to distract herself with p, yes that’s it she just needed to do something until Steven came back. He…..he would come back….he said he would. Spinel’s breath hitched as she remembered the garden and Pink….she bit her lip and turned around back to her luggage. 

Spinel dug in there for a couple of minutes until she found her hairbrush and smiled weakly. She could brush her hair. Of course. That could take her mind out of having Steven leave for a couple of minutes. Spinel took the opportunity to brush her hair and the small pink gem pulled back her bands that held her pigtails and watched as her pink hair spilled and draped against her petite shoulders. She sighed running a hand through her pink hair as she grabbed her brush and proceeded to brush her hair. Spinel had to admit her hair from the last millennia had grown it was odd yet Spinel didn’t mind it too much. Brushing her hair right now was actually keeping her calm and sometimes she could ask the pearls for help styling her hair. 

Some of the pearls enjoyed doing her hair and Spinel was grateful for the help. The small pink gem could always find herself happy when Pink Pearl as her friend and felt like she could tell her all her secrets and stuff….but she would never speak about how she felt about Pink Diamond. It felt fat too painful for Spinel to talk about something like that with Pink Pearl especially since the pink thin gem adored Pink Diamond despite what her diamond had done to her. Spinel frowned, biting her lip. No she could never tell Pink Pearl or Yellow and Blue Pearl. Spinel cont is used brushing her hair and sighed softly not wanting to think about those memories right now. 

“It’s been a long time since I’ve seen your hair down.” Came a calm soft voice. 

Spinel stopped midway through brushing to see Pearl standing there a wistful look in her face. Spinel looked away from the thin gem. Pearl was her Diamond’s favorite gem she knew once Pink Pearl had been broken and taken away by White Pink had been gifted a brand new pearl and her diamond very much enjoyed her new pearl. It was like she had forgotten her previous pearl due to how much fun her new pearl was. It made her angry it made Spinel very angry about the situation but she couldn’t understand why she so upset about it at the time but now it made perfect sense why. She spent more time with her pearl then she had with Spinel and yet the small young gem felt a bang of bitterness and envy towards the pointed nose gem. Spinel was jealous, Pink had taken her to earth while she left Spinel in the garden rot rot away. However right now she couldn’t be upset with Pearl even if her diamond left her for Pearl. 

“O-oh...Pearl. I didn’t see you there.” Spinel said. 

“I came looking for Steven but I guess he must still be in the bathroom.” Pearl replied calmly. 

Spinel nodded and turned away but listened as the thin gem was getting closer and the pink gem gasped feeling the gem intertwined her finger through her pink hair. Spinel shuttered st the gentle touch, she wasn’t use to Pearl touching her like this, not even in the presence of Pink Diamond would she do such a thing. That was until….

“Spinel look what you’ve done, you’ve got flowers, leaves and twigs in your hair..” Pink Diamond pointed out. 

Spinel smiled sheepishly as she had ran around the garden without a care in the world playing yet another game with Pink. Dying said game Spinel had managed to get a couple of cherry blossoms stuck in her hair as well as some small leaves as well as small thin twigs. 

“How am I supposed to present you to my court when you're looking a mess?” Pink Diamond scolded glaring coldly at the gem. 

Spinel looked down at her feet feeling shame rush to her as she rubbed her arm nervously. Pink Diamond looked away from Spinel obviously upset with Spinel’s appearance. 

“My diamond if I may.” Pearl said calmly walking towards Spinel. 

Spinel kept her face down, not daring to look up and see her diamonds angry and disappointed face. Pearl looked at the small gem and sighed softly placing a hand on the small gem’s shoulder. 

“Don’t worry my diamond, I’ll take care of it. You should probably head to the throne room now I’m sure the other diamonds will be waiting.” Pearl stated. 

Pink Diamond looked at her Pearl and smiled. 

“Alright but please hurry.” She urged her pearl 

Pearl nodded and watched as her diamond left with a bright blue flash of the warp pad leaving both gems alone. Pearl turned to Spinel and took noticed that the smaller gem had been crying silently soft tears spilling down her face.


End file.
